Diary of a Palmeroni

Shrine Circus

2009-05-14T13:29:00.000-07:00

So we took Makayla to her very first circus and she was quite in aw despite Mommy's circus shows she puts on, on a daily basis. You know like when you hear a good rock song and you bust out into air guitar singing and dancing and thrashing your head around. Or times where I roam around the room on all fours roaring like the tiger I am and chasing the kids or giving them horsey back rides, good times. Oh right back to the actual circus. So that morning when we woke up all day I prepped her saying we are going to the circus that night. She was so excited cheering "yay circus" all day, even though she had no clue what I was talking about. But hey, mommy is excited so I will be too! So I pack the kids in the car mid day to do a quick grocery run and of course Makayla is saying "yay circus!" all the way there. Then when she realizes we are JUST going shopping at Walmart, she breaks out in tears and says "circus mommy". Oh dear. She does not yet understand the term "later" after that day I think she did. So, finally the time comes where mommy and daddy are just taking Makayla on a circus date. She is thrilled and gets in the car and was fast asleep in seconds. As some of you know, my daughter has now opted out of her naps...yup the sad time has come where she NEVER naps anymore, although she needs one, she refuses.

So we get there, wake her up and she is still excited the moment she wakes and we run the 100 meter dash to the doors in the pouring rain. According to daddy we must buy her a light up souvenir even though they are outrageously over priced at $10 each when I am sure you can get the same thing at the dollar store. We get our seats and grab some cotton candy, you know for Makayla, of course not for Justin and I, my God we HATE sweets...yeah...I hate sweets...pff okay. Makaylas eyes lit up when she seen the big elephants and was over whelmed by that and all the people and Landon and Josh were there, she was in her little bit of heaven. So we all sat there was blue tongues from the cotton candy..agh hum...I mean...Makaylas tongue was blue, after all we hate sweets. Okay, who am I kidding Justin and I never grew up and we are still like a bunch of 10 year olds, just as excited as Makayla about the circus and cotton candy and cool light up toy!! Once the circus began and there were lights and people dancing and jumping rope and high on trapezes and clowns and puppy's the look on her face was amazing...it filled my heart with so much joy to see her eyes full of excitement and the suspense she would feel as people were thrown into the air and her little legs jumping with the people jumping rope and her breaking out in a dance to the music from time to time. It was amazing! We all had the time of our life! Every moment was captured in my memory and stored in my heart forever!

Love Love

2009-05-03T19:29:00.000-07:00

There can not be anything more precious then your little girl wrapping her arms tightly around your neck and saying "big squeeze" and then giving you a sweet kiss and topping it all of with an "I love you mommy". And doing it all on her own free will. It doesnt get any greater then this. I love my children.

Justins Grandparents

2009-04-29T14:24:00.000-07:00

So apparently I am a blogging machine! Today we are going on to talk about Grandma and Grandpa Palmer, the sweetest people anyone could ever ask to have in their life. I am so fortunate to now call them my family. With great sorrow we lost Justin's Grandma to cancer last August. She was one tough cookie, no one even knew how ill she was until she could not fight her battle anymore. Justin's Grandpa is also a strong man as he has had to adjust to not being with the love of his life.

Lets start by telling you what I got to know of Justin's Grandma in the time I knew her. First and far most she is one of the most stubborn strong headed lady I have ever met. I mean when her mind was made up there was no changing it, no arguing, it was just the way it was going to be. I will never forget the time in Walmart when I was about 8 months pregnant with Makayla. Here we are standing in line, me with a few new maternity clothing items and her with a few of her own items. Suddenly I feel a tugging on the clothes I am about to buy...it was Grandma, she says here give them to me. I say...no no its okay, I don't want you to buy them for me. Oh but her mind was already made up. She says no just give them to me. Me also known for being a bit stubborn but also respectful was like...no no...I am going to buy them. Before you know it, heads are turning in line as she is litterly tugging on one end of the clothes and me scared and holding on to the other end. I thought man this in one tough lady I think she may knock me out if I don't give up these clothes. She starts to talk a wee bit louder...in a firm tone with her strong Scottish accent says...just give them to me!! I gave in!! I didn't know what to do...I coward...I thought if I didn't we would be there all day because she was not going to give it up. I think she would have put me in a death choke if I never gave in...haha. She is such a giving lady and so caring and we miss her so very much! She use to love shopping, especially for her great grandchildren, we would always get packages in the mail and I think she was just as excited to know if we liked them as she was buying them. I will tell you, Grandma was always with the times, she choose some of the best outfits for Makayla. She also had a ton of friends and spread the word very quickly about her great grandchildren and we would get packages in the mail from people we never even knew, she was so proud. Another thing I clearly remember about Grandma was her love for Justin. I mean there was nothing that Justin could do wrong, he was truly an angel in her eyes...maybe his halo a little crooked at times but an angel. Anything Justin wanted he got, the world stopped when Justin spoke and he was her little boy. Grandma also had spidey senses...like you know superman hearing...she could hear you whisper something from Vancouver while we were still in Edmonton. She was always on top of her game. She was always so open, so willing to give the best advise she could while doing it from her heart without stepping on toes. She loved her KFC, she adored her husband, she looked out for her kids and was a great friend, great mom, awesome Grandma always up for shopping and loved to find that great deal, she liked crosswords, liked to sing a good ol tune, she was always up for some fish and chips like a good ol Scottish girl, liked nice jewellery, was a good story teller and liked to have a good laugh. She was so full of love and life and we think about her often and miss her dearly but we will always hold her close to our hearts and in our thoughts.

Moving on to Grandpa, Justin's superhero in a little old mans body. He is the guy you can count on for anything, he was always there for Justin and has never let him down, he the grandpa made up in ones dreams. He is a handsome old man, especially when he has his teeth in. Grandpa is always looking out for you, always willing to give you his sweater if you are cold, always making sure you are not hungry because if you are he will be the first to get up and fry you some bacon. He is the most genuine loving grandpa I have known. I will never forget how much he loved his wife and cute they were together. I remember when we were at their place and he gave her a good smack to the ass as she bent over to fix the couch and as she smirked and turned around he simply says it was not me. It was so cute and touching...who would have thought another persons love tap could mean so much to me. haha. Grandpa also has many friends and gets together with his boys weekly at the pub for a couple of beers. He also makes a killer soup and is quite the chef. It was so amazing to see Grandpa sitting with Kelton in his lap on the recliner when we were there last, just because Justin always told me he did the same with him.We wish he was closer so we could spend more time with him as anyone is blessed to have him in their life.

My Baba

2009-04-22T13:22:00.000-07:00

Well it is mine and Justin's belief that we have done a favor to the world by breeding and I am so happy to have told you all about our little off spring. Today we are moving on to another very important lady in my life, my Baba aka Grandma aka Grams. My Baba has always been a very important role model in my life and she has always been a part of my life as far as my memory can take me. My Baba is a very hard working farm girl, there is nothing that ever holds her back. She is nearing 85 and still does things that some 20 year olds can't do. I do see how time has taken a toll on my Grandma though.

When I was a child my mom would drive me up there every summer to spend some time with my Baba and Gedo. Sometimes my cousin Jeanine would also get dropped off and we would create some wonderful summer time memories. You must understand my Grandma lives in rural Saskatchewan in a small village of Foston...you ask where is that..I would say...just outside of Wadena...then you say where is Wadena? Well that is just outside of Humbolt...you ask well where is Humbolt?...well Humbolt is in the middle of freakin no where...it is Saskatchewan after all. Okay my Grandma lives a 2+ hour drive out of Saskatoon...you must have heard of that city!! Her Village...consists of maybe 50 people living there (Village..odd odd word... I think of scary little village people that would chase you through the wheat fields) and everyone is quite old, its only a matter of time where someone is going to have to turn the lights out when they leave by leave I mean pass away. Grandmas house was built by my grandpas hard working hands and she would fight you tooth and nail to never have to leave that house. She loves it there and it always has been a home away from home for all of us grandkids. Not much has changed in it...it is always so comforting.

There is a lot of memories at my Grandmas like picking peas in the garden and sitting on a bench outside and shelling them in the warm summer sun. Also times with cousins, Jeanine and I would fight over who got to help bake with Grandma until it ended up in Jeanine getting angry and running away on Grandmas bike, haha. Jeanine and I also would ride on grandmas riding lawn mower until it ran out of gas, we would make traffic signs in the trees and one person would ride the bike. I also recall Amy and I deciding it would be a great idea for us to sleep in the bed in one of the sheds...well the idea was short lived when we got freaked out by all the mice traps and were certain we were going to get eaten alive by mice as we slept. Grandma also would do her little grandchildren hair in those old fashioned rollers the night before church so our hair would be pretty for church the next day. That is also one thing that was always for certain at Grandmas, Sunday meant church. Actually, after a Sunday service when I was maybe around the age of 8 I recall the Pastor talking about giving yourself to Christ, that day after church I went upstairs at my Grandmas and asked Jesus into my heart and became a Christian. Although a Christian it did not mean that us cousins when together were anything close to perfect angels. On several occasions I remember me and my cousin Jeanine sitting in church with our hair all done in perfect little curls that grandma did the night before, with our cute Sunday dresses on sitting in utter feel as we heard the train whistle echo through the church terrified it was going to derail and crash into and wipe out the little old town of Foston. you must wonder why we feared such a thing...well these cute little girls must have had a little devil version of them whispering in their ear to put rocks..big rocks...on the train track to see what would happen. Well, nothing happened and as the train left taking our fear with it we would start into no stop giggling, in turn causing grandma to give us the you behave yourself eye. So my Grandmas place is full of wonderful memories including one where Jeanine and I decided it would be funny to give my poor poor grandma a scare in the middle of the night...yup we were mean... we stacked plastic cups up on the inside of the cupboard so that when she went to get her nightly glass of water that the cups would all come crashing down on her. When I think back of that idea, if was really quite mean of us trying to scare a poor old lady who is half asleep int he middle of the night...naughty girls.

So besides my grandams quaint beautiful house she is also left me with many cherished memories and lessons. I will never forget the one time I over heard my Baba and Gedo fighting over something silly...then Grandma storming out of the house to only come back in minutes later with a flower from the garden and tears in her eyes to say sorry and give my Gedo a big hug. It was the sweetest thing I have ever seen, they were so perfect for each other. I always admired their love for one another. Grandma is also a brave lady who looks bugs spiders and mice in the eye with absolutely no fear and simply gets rid of them. I love my grandma for everything she is and everything she has taught me about life and love and motherhood. We have always been able to talk so well together, from the time I was 10 years old lying in her bed upstairs at night wit mints in our checks till now when I call her and we talk and talk about being a mom a wife and about life in general. I truly am blessed to have her in my life.

A picture tells a thousand things

2009-04-14T14:00:00.000-07:00

Here is some random pictures of what I see in my future, my goals my dreams all by pictures. They say...if you think about your goals they will happen. Basically the universe works together with your thoughts. Here is my montage...

My lil monkey

2009-04-13T19:42:00.000-07:00

Well moving on with life, Justin and I had our little family consisting of the two of us Makayla and Machete. That summer Makayla was about 8 months old and I started to feel really sick all the time. Like I am talking in the middle of the night extreme stomach pain and not knowing which end is going to burst first. I get better ignore it, and it would always come right back and of course, me being me...I would ignore it again. Come September I was so sick I went to the doctor and he sent me for some blood work, a few things came back abnormal and he sent me for further tests. I was all booked in for an ultrasound because they are thinking at this time I may have gallstones or maybe something along those lines. Let me take you there.

I am lying there, having to pee so badly that I can not really think of anything else. I really concentrate with every inch of my soul to not just let go of that pee and feel the relief...but oh it would really feel good. My mind wonders...has anyone ever had to pee so badly that they just could not hold it and some came out, but it felt so good that they continue to go. Hmm. Oh back to whats happening. So...the ultra sound tech is looking and looking, she kept going to the same side on the right up high and then really far down low. I am starting to think something is not right, she is not talking anymore. When I first came in she was talking an awful lot, asking me all about Makayla and if I wanted anymore...blah blah blah. She leaves the room and calmly says I will be right back. I stare at the ceiling thinking oh God, something is wrong, what if it is cancer, or what if it is something that will completely change my life and flip it upside down, oh God, something is up. My heart pounding so hard I look at the clock it was 11:17. She enters back into the room with a doctor in tow, I instantly start to sweat and that pee that I had to pee so bad suddenly disappeared. He says to me...so Mrs Palmer, we see that it looks as though you have gallstones and did you also know you are pregnant? Ahhh what? I am what? You are pregnant. Oh um no, how did this happen...I mean I know HOW it happens but how did this happen to me? I have not even had my monthly visitor back yet, I mean Makayla was still nursing and only 9 months old. I sit there blown away by the news, the nurse keeps asking me if I am okay, like I had just been given the worst news of my life, however I did tell her we wanted more babies just not right away. I gather my things get dressed and head home. All the way home my hands are shaking and thoughts racing. I come in, to be greeted by my mom who was babysitting at the time. She asks if everything is okay, I nod and say I guess we will see what the doc says because I wanted to talk to Justin first. So I put Makayla for a nap and I start to think of how can I tell him the news, he will be home shortly, what should I do. So he comes home, I ask him to kindly check on the dinner in the oven, he opens the door and closes it and turns to look at me so puzzled and says there is only a bun in the oven. I say there is what? He says it again, a bun in the....pause.... you are pregnant!!! he shouts! He hugs me and is so happy, actually shockingly happy. I start to cry and say oh my God what are we going to do, we need this and that and what about Makayla. After about a week I start liking the idea but not liking how sick I was. For the remainder of my pregnancy I was in and out of hospital, loosing weight, getting morphine to cope with the pain and wishing that it would just go away. Being as Justin had always wanted to know the sex of the baby and I didn't it was his turn so during the ultrasound the lady showed us the baby...the head, the legs, the tummy the arms and then finally the little cute penis...yup it was a boy!! Justin was like we are having a boy! He was so thrilled, the look on his face was amazing, it lit right up and I was so thrilled as well...our baby boy...Kelton William Leo.

June 9th 2008 I went in for my scheduled c section and delivered a healthy 7 pd baby boy. Let me tell you that as smooth as a c section should be, mine was not so smooth, this kid did not want to come out and I am certain he was holding on to my interstines or somthing with all his might. The doctors were pushing and pushing, sweating and pushing some more. My body was sliding down the table as she(the doc) had a male assistant using his body weight to push down obn my stomach. Justin had to leave the room as the thought of it was making him feel nautious. After a while they finally did manage to get him out after using forceps and he was all bruised and cut up but as cute as I ever imagined him. Immediately after the c-section the closed me up and knocked me out and followed through with taking my gallbladder out. Surprisingly I felt not to bad after a dual surgery. I was up and at em the same day. Kelton is a Mommy's boy, which daddy is okay with for the time being, but insists it changes by the age of 4. He has such a cute personality, he loves to snuggle and I think I love it even more then him. He is so well behaved and he is just mellow. We gave him the nickname Monkey since he was born, not sure why but it suits him. He knows how to flirt and loves to laugh and at just about anything. He already loves Machete and Makayla so much and finds it funny when they play. There are times I look at him and he just takes my breathe away, he is amazing and perfect in every sense of the word. I can cry just thinking about him and not wanting him to grow up. He is and always will be mommy little monkey.

Babies babies!!

2009-04-09T09:29:00.000-07:00

Now we are moving on to the loves of my life my babies.

I have to start by telling you about my very first baby, my hairy baby, Machete Turbo Palmer.
Justin and I were talking about getting a puppy for some time, I continuously dragged him into pet stores and would ramble on about how cute every dog was that I seen through the windows. I would also check the rescue shelters all the time and my heart would melt over so many sad stories. So one day we were shopping in Kingsway mall, we walk into the pet store there I see this cute cute little furry puppy. He looked like a dwarf golden retriever. I instantly fall in love. There was another female dog in the same kennel as him and he was so mellow he let her slap him around like you would not believe. I ask to hold him...he kisses me and looks at me with his big eyes and says take me home, how could my heart not melt for such a cute puppy. So we talk about it, inside my mind is made up, I go on a road trip with some girlfriends and say if he is there when we get back it is destiny. Meanwhile, on my trip I call Justin I make him go back to make sure he is still there and I can not get my mind of this cute little fur ball. So I rush home, go straight there and get my best furry friend ever. He was so small and afraid to come down the stairs so he would stand up at the top and whimper. When he ran he ran sideways, it was so cute. Now he is all grown up and going to have his 3rd birthday next month. He is a very good dog and so good with the kids and lets me dress him up and make him look silly at times. He does have big dog syndrome where he acts so mighty over other dogs, must be his big personality shinning through.

Continuing on with me being pregnant.So my pregnancy was going fairly well for the most part besides the pimples of a 14 year old, yuck. Otherwise alright until near the end I was loosing some vision at times and at this time I went on disability in November. My due date was December 25th...yes Christmas day, what a blessing. I always figured that God was sending me this perfect gift and this angel wanted to share a birthday with none other then Jesus. Well Christmas came and went. I was getting larger and larger and more and more clumsy. One day just before an appointment Justin and I were walking to the vehicle and a giant rut in the road caused me to trip and fall right on my belly...I went to the hospital and was checked out and all was okay, besides some scrapes and bruises thank God! The new year began and I started to think that this baby was not going to come out..perhaps it was stuck...or maybe I was giving it to good of a home or maybe it was just that watermelon seed I swallowed 9 months earlier. On January 4th at 12 noon I go in to be induced, I have labour pains for 11 hours before I get an epidural and this kid still did not want to come out! During the course of my contractions the babies heart rate would drop significantly and my doctor already said that she did not think I was going to have a natural birth. So the last time it dropped, the doctor came back in and I went in for an emergency c section. At the time I was upset because I wanted to experience the birth in a natural way,now I have come to realize it is all okay. Then at 11:53pm my beautiful baby girl Makayla Rayne was born. when they told me it was girl I was shocked, I was nearly certain it was going to be a boy. I had dreams of boys and I felt mislead by the stupid old wives tales..never trust those. Ahhh my little Makayla as sweet as she looked I was positive she may have needed a priest and some holy water to help her get rid of a screaming demon inside...haha. That girl cried and cried...one day she cried for 14 hours with no break. Shortly after midnight my mom and I went trotting off to the emergency certain there had to be something wrong with her because nothing at all made her happy and there was no break from the monotonous screaming!! The docs look at her and come to the conclusion of your baby is just colicky. Umm...say what...she is what? There is nothing you can do for this...come on there has got to be something perhaps some laughing gas or medication that will knock her out. She is colicky? Does this mean I have to deal with this kind of behaviour forever? Plus this is only her first week of life...you got to be kidding me, this has to be some sort of joke. Nope no it wasn't. After that, she seemed to get better and better as days went on, easier to tend to and more and more mellow. Obviously God heard my prayers for patience and silence. Now she is 2 and full of energy, her big brown eyes warm my heart, her giggle touches my soul and her hugs and kisses make me feel like I am in Heaven. She is so beautiful and the best gift from God that anyone could ask for. She has such personality and has that same gift of the gab as her mommy and grandma do. To hear her little voice come to me and say mommy I love you...with no prompting just makes any amount of crying all worth while, even 14 hours. She is daddy's little girl, Mommy's princess, grandmas angel and papas sweetheart. I am sure you will here a lot more about her in days to come as she and her brother are the center of my universe.

I am getting good at this!!

2009-04-08T14:07:00.001-07:00

Alright...here we go again! I was in the middle of talking about my oh so wonderful husband. Justin and I met 5 years ago and our relationship progressed fairly quick. I always say how we met was by him stocking me until I gave in, not a far fetch really though, haha. Justin and I hit it off on the first night we met, we talked about out love for cinnamon gum, adventure, motorcycles and everything that goes fast. We seemed to have quite a bit in common. However, Justin was not much of a sweep ya off your feet kind of guy and I was uncertain of getting in a relationship at that time in my life. Justin has these gorgeous blue sometimes more green color eyes that pierced my soul and clearly won my heart over. I can tell you, he had something about him because I seen right past his socks with sandles...yup...read it again...socks and sandals...but not only were they socks with sandals...one was inside out and ...yikes...they were not even a matching pair. I sucked back a few tears that day but since then he has become much better at the sock thing, I match his socks and make sure they are the right way in, that poor soul. I also must share with you my husbands mad love for candy apples...I have never seen someones knees go week and mouth salivate so much at the mere sight of a candy apple. One time on a holiday in Jasper, we had got some candy apples...Justin was right into it, smile on his face like a 5 year old kid, just given er on this candy apple when it flew off the stick and on to the hotel room floor, the apple was in slow motion rolling across the dirty dirty floor, Justin on hands and knees trying to catch up with his apple (at this time his face looked devastated) he gets it and with out a pause simply pulls the apple right up to his mouth and continues feasting.. Yup, my husband has a real love for candy apples, no hotel room floor could be dirty enough to resist him from the scrumptious taste of Carmel softening in his mouth and a crisp apples juices running down his chin. Anyhow, moving on from candy apples. After dating a few years we were so head over heels for each other enjoying life and everything about each other. We had just found out Justin's very sweet cousin Shannon and her hubby were pregnant, we were so happy for them and talked about the day we would have children of our own. Well, a few moths go by, I suspect I may be pregnant, we get a test, I can not sleep...I get up at the crack of dawn take the test and within seconds it shows positive! With that breathe taking moment I stand alone in the bathroom holding on to this stick...yes a stick...that changed my life, with my world spinning I do a karate kick to the bedroom door and rip Justin out of his peaceful sleep to say "Oh my God...I am pregnant!" Justin was quite happy and excited. Shortly after Justin proposed to me and we had a small wedding in the Dominican. It was both of our style, easy, cheap simple and the best part, we were married and together for all eternity. I can write a lot more about Justin but we would be here a long time, he is the most thoughtful husband and father and he is so talented at so many things, he is Mr fix it and so smart at so many things he is my everything and I have been so blessed and lucky to have him as my husband. And this leads us to my next chapter...babies!! However those babies are preventing me from writing anymore, until my next post!!

Continuing with important people in my life...

2009-04-07T14:57:00.000-07:00

Okay here I am new day new post...once again children sleeping and me figuring out this blogging thing, it seems quite nice!! So many thoughts are randomly going through my mind as I think what can I write that is worthy of being blogged. I mean I am taking up other peoples time as they go on to read...maybe they don't maybe they start and just close it...hmm...must keep it interesteing...must get some faithful followers. continuing from yesterday.

So I have told you about my brother, my mom, my dad and now I move on to Donald Duck. Ahh yes Donald Duck...the nik name he was kindly given, weather he likes it or not...by sweet little me. He hated being called Donald...so I think I started calling him Donald when I found out his hate for it...just to ...well..you know bug him! Then I added duck...not sure why...maybe after he stepped on a few? Well my mom has always been Mammabear...sweet mammabear, so Don needed something too. Don and my mom were married when I was 13 and he has really been the best thing that has come into my moms life. I always feel so blessed to have had 2 wonderful fathers, my dad and Don. Don has tought me a lot growing up...like never to be late and when travelling hold your pee as long as humanly possible, and lets not forget if you say you are leaving at 7am be ready for 6:30am because chances are that Don will be waiting in the vehicle bags packed and becoming increasingly impatient. Oh one more thing...Don has tought me that as simple as getting gas may be it does not come natural to every one at all times and never trust anyone who is driving next to you in hollywood and shouting, even though they may just be doing a nice gesture like telling you your gas tank is open, look straight ahead and keep driving and one more thing when your wife gets mad at you spilling all the nuts on the car floor the floor suddenly becomes a not so bad place to eat off of especially if it makes her happy. Don is a very warm hearted man, always giving and always putting family first. One thing I know about Don is that his little granddaughter can melt his heart in an instant, especially with the words I love you papa. He is a very good papa and I am proud my children are able to call such a wonderful man papa.

Now we are moving on to the most important person in my life besides God...the person in which I can not imagine my life without the person who completes me and fulfils me, the person who I cherish and look forward to growing old with, my soul mate Justin. He truly is my soul mate in every sense of the word, he is my best friend, we finish each others sentences, we never fight...argue on occasion but fight...nto so much, we feel lost without each other, he is the male version of me...that must be why I love him so much! lol.

Oh children are awake I must go...I hear a sweet little voice calling mommy and soon to follow will be gooing from upstairs...until next time....

2009-04-06T12:55:00.000-07:00

I am what ...blogging? Really?

Here I am sitting on the computer children sleeping and me learning how to blog. Blogging is all new to me but I guess it is just a blank canvas to write ones thoughts or tell about your day. I will randonly write things...as you will see my mind jumps from one thing to the next so feel free to read!Hmm where do I even start...agh a thought...
I was born in Edmonton and really never broke the bars to escape the city until just recently in our move to Medicine Hat. On July 1 1979...the clouds parted the skies cleared, the birds chirped and God sent a beautiful baby girl down to my parents...agh what a glorious day. Edmonton will never be the same. I had a fairly "normal life" as one would say. My parents were very loving and made sure their kids never went with out.

I have an older brother Trevor, in which I love and look up to even though he received some hair loss and I a few fist fulls of hair...among other things such as some bruises and bumps and I some aggravation as he would mouth off to me and get me angry enough to do these things. Good times. Now we are all grown up, both of us with children and spouses but when we get together there is something about him that just makes me feel like I am 10 and him 12 and things never changed. Then reality slaps you in the face and you come to face the fact that the dreaded 3-0 is fast approaching and you along with your brother are becoming the people whom always seemed much much older the what you feel.

My mother is very giving sweet lady, who has taught me a lot about life and most of my morals and values which makes me who I am today. In some ways mother I are similar...like our obsession with having a ridiculously clean home, our gift of the gab, and our giving thoughtful nature (at least I think so anyways lol). Then there are some things we differ in which I think I may get more from my fathers side like my need for a rush or thrill like riding my motorcycle or wanting to skydive or even just hanging out and having a cold one with my hubby. Mother is changing as she ages which sometimes blows me away for example she had a beer on her last vacation...really! a beer! My mom a beer! This is quite shocking as she was the girl at a party when she was young tossing a poor guys beer out the window because she did not want to drink it. She has never liked the smell or taste of beer but apparently her taste buds change with age. I am quite close to my mom and share with her a lot, I really appreciate our friendship and our chats. She is the best grandma anyone could hope for their children and I know she would give the world to any of her grandkids.

Moving on to my father, oh how I miss him. My dad was the man who always made me laugh, the guy would give the shirt off his back for just about anyone. I remember as a kid I would stand on the bed and Dad would sweep my feet out from under me and I would get those butterflies rush to my tummy as I fell to the bed. My parents split when I was in grade four and those are memories I would rather not think of because it was hard times. Dad took my brother and I to Disney land and world for the first time and we made some cherished memories there. As I got older Dad and I talked on the phone every day and each time he would make me giggle.

In October 2003 I got a call from a friend and co-worker of my dads, telling me to go to the Sturgeon hospital because my dad is there...right away you get an instant panic...but I get in the car and drive there with a million thoughts racing through my head. What is wrong...did he get hurt at work, was it a car accident what is it! I find his room...walk in to see my dad perched on the side of the bed in a hospital gown and he looks okay...to the eye at least..oh what a relief, dad is going to be okay. I come closer look him in his eye and see his eyes have tears in them. I think what is wrong Dad you have never cried...dad I have never seen you cry! He looks at me and says honey I have cancer...my world instantly starts spinning...I think no dad..this can't be ...you are my dad and this does not happen to us. No. I run out of the room....down the hall and outside...I see an isolated spot where I cry, I say to myself...come on put yourself together and go back int here. So I do. We talk, he tells me he has been very sick lately and just avoiding going to doctors until he was at work and collapsed. He then was admitted to the hospital, the next night, I give up some hockey tickets and go to the hospital to watch the game with my dad in the tv room. In his hospital gown we go down the hallway and sit on the small couch, he puts his hand in mine for a bit and looks at me with his "it will be okay" smile and we watch the game. He gets released and they tell him he will soon get his diagnosis. We have that thanksgiving together and I will always cherish that time. Before you know it...he can barely breathe and is back in hospital. I go with him by ambulance to the Cross Cancer...there I fill out his paper work as he gets looked at by a doctor. That day my life changed. I come in the room and a doctor follows and sits down next to my dads bed. He has a concerned look on his face, eyebrows down and mouth flat. He looks at my dad and says Art, I am sorry to tell you that we can not treat your cancer, it is too far gone, it is everywhere, you maybe have 3 days to live. At that moment I felt so full of anger, anger at my dad for leaving me and for smoking angry at the doctor because it seemed as though he was not even trying just angry...so freakin angry! I once again look my dad in his eyes with tears running down my own, the doctor asks my dad if he understands this and I proceed to get my questions some what answered by the doctor. I leave to room cell phone in hand extremely distraught and upset thinking who do I call...my mom...she will help me...call mom. I call her she seems in shock but always so strong and says she will come meet me at the hospital. We go back to the sturgeon and meet there. That night I go home to call my brother who is out of town for work and tell him the news...it was so hard...my brother is another strong one in which it was hard to hear him so upset. I feel so robbed. The next day we go, dads condition deteriorating however we can still talk and dad was still loving his Pepsi but that's about it, we spend the night there. I terrified to be the only one in the room with him, lie next to him on a cot listening for his breathing scared...afraid of the number 13... as the next day was the 13th only hours away...then he was in room 13...13 just seemed to be a sign. Trev and I call the rest of dads family to tell them the news...dad stops eating...stops drinking...he lie there in a comma...I comb his hair...I talk to him...but we know the moment is coming...and its coming fast. Dad stops peeing you see his organs shutting down. The only time he manages to briefly open his eyes is when my mom tells him Tracy and Trevor are here, he looks at us and falls back into his deep sleep. I leave to have some quite time...I go to the chapel in the hospital...there I say a prayer. Trev and I go back to the room to tell my dad its okay ...you have been a great dad and we love you but if you want to be out of pain and go to somewhere better its okay to go. Only moments pass when you can sense he is taking his last breathes and you know its soon going to be all over...Trev and I cry...the entire room of family cries...Trev on one side I on the other hold his hands and tell him we love him but I cant resist to tell him no dad no...no...dont go dad...no. He takes one last deep breathe and leaves us and goes on to Heaven to be the best guardian angel one could ask for. The next few days I plan his funeral with my brother and my mom by my side, we clean out his apartment and start to get things in order. Oh did I say...room 13 November 13th and he died at 6:13. His funeral was on the 13th hour to continue with his theme there we also had the whole congregation open a can of Pepsi as my brother says a toast to my dad in heaven. Days go on into months and into years, he has now been gone for 5 and a half years and I think about him daily and miss him, but know I will see him again. My dad, my angel, my hero my shining star.

Pheww...I never knew I was going to get into that, never before did I write anything about this it feels relieving. Okay I am tired of typing for one day....maybe there will be more again.